Honest Movie Reviews from a Life Long Horror Fan. Each movie is reviewed immediately after viewing.
Big Trouble in Little China Remake
Posted: 1 Jun 2015
Viewed: 276 ¦  Comments
Category: Coming Soon
Big Trouble in Little China Remake

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It was just announced that The Rock is going to star in the classic “Big Trouble in Little China”, taking on the starring role made famous by Kurt Russell.

I’m sickened by this. My Unrest is surging.. Not only are they going to ruin one of the best films of the 80’s, they’re putting action star “The Rock” in the starring role.. Don’t get me wrong, Dwayne is great in action roles, and a good talker on the mic.. but he’s no Jack Burton.

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?” “Yessir, the check is in the mail.”

I can picture The Rock punching his way out of Lo Pan’s lair, rather than using his wit and cunning. He IS a funny guy.. but, just not that type of funny. Let’s not forget.. the Rock is The Rock in everything he does. He does not have the range needed to pull this off, and I’m predicting a huge flop.

Just remember what ol’ Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol’ storm right square in the eye and he says, “Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it.”

Hollywood is dry, shriveled up. They’ve lost the magic and now they’re just rehashing everything that WAS great and making it crap.. utter crap. I grew up in the 80.. Leave my fucking movies alone!!