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WTF happened to Entertainment?
Posted: 12 May 2012
Viewed: 954 ¦  Comments
WTF happened to Entertainment?
  


I know most visitors to kithicor.org are here for the music and videos. But, I’ve also kinda turned this site into my spot for movie reviews and the like, so I’d actually like to take a moment and jot down where I think Hollywood is losing me a bit. Let’s start with…

Reboots / Remakes.

Let’s make something clear, there is a difference.

A “Reboot” is a re-imagining of an established story. Perhaps told from another perspective and different plot twists, but usually having a similar outcome in the end. A “Remake” is supposed to be a re-do on a movie. Perhaps a director went to a saturday matinee and decided that he could do better, gets the rights to the script and does it with a whole new crew and cast.

I am sick to death of both of them. 2011-2013 has become an intolerable onslaught of unoriginal movies hitting the screen. Sometimes, even re releasing a film just to throw 3d at us. How many freakin Hulk and Spiderman movies am I supposed to sit through before someone actually says “hey, maybe we just can’t make this into a decent movie”?

Don’t get me wrong.. sometimes it works out pretty good. I did enjoy the Evil Dead reboot – and the new Star Trek movies aren’t bad.

But, the worst thing you can do is to completely change a beloved character.  I always give the example of Battlestar Galatica – almost every major role was reprised by someone either of the wrong sex or race – any in the case of “Boomer”, both! What’s next? Female Wolverine? A sensitive and understanding Hulk? Depicting Peter Pan as a Child-Kidnapping Monster? (Fuck you, “Once upon a time”!)

Selling Stupidity as Comedy

Buddy Comedies. Oh how I hate them.. I would not shed a bitter tear if franchises such as: The Hangover, Dumb and Dumber, and anything Will Feral has been a part of – outside of his SNL days – would simply burst into flame before being shipped, torching their studios to the ground in the process. Hate Hate Hate buddy movies!

These types of movies are the some of the lowest forms of low-brow humor. Just a step above watching a guy getting kicked in the crotch for 90 minutes and paying $10 to see it.

The Great White Idiot

Not only white, really.. but it’s been a trend for a while now. I believe it started on The Cosby Show, actually.. Husband = idiot, Wife = smart. Of course, women loved it and it’s brought rating ever since, but it’s also done something else.. taught a generation of girls that men are stupid and would be nothing without women. So, how is this any different than the TV of the 50’s depicting women as inept, ditzy and going nowhere without their husbands? It’s not, really. The only real difference is that now.. it’s accepted. Completely sexist, inaccurate, and accepted.

It actually got so bad, at one point, that a TV ad was selling a computer with the tag “So simple, Dad can use it” – this spot was pulled almost immediately after men’s groups filed a lawsuit.

Equality? We all say we want it. But where’s the equality for men? Seems to me that we’re more interested in a “Tables turn”. Instead of showing equality, let’s make men out to look borderline retarded.

Man Bad, Humanity must be punished

Yeah, we get it.. Humanity bad – Nature Good. Stop with the White Liberal Guilt movies already.

TV series & Cartoon Movies.

This is generally not a good idea. Making an 80’s cartoon into a feature length movie with high end special effects.. just never seems to satisfy. The Transformer’s movies are terrible. I’m sure your special effects crew spent most of your budget on making the robots so unrecognizably complex that the computer’s server room was hotter than the surface of the sun.. but it didn’t impress me. Do you know what looked more realistic than your thousands of moving parts? My old Optimus Prime action figure, than only had, like… 6.

Smurfs? …really? Did we need another reminder that their village is inhabited by 99 males and 1 female? And dont get me started on that bastardization of G.I. Joe.

Dark Shadows transformed Barnabas’s tragic existence into a family friendly comedy about a vampire dealing with the fact that he’s just woken up in modern day. Fuck you Johnny Depp!

Yes, we get it – the 80’s kicked so much ass that our collective minds can’t let them go.. but, leave them the hell alone and get your own ideas.

And while I’m griping on Johnny Depp..

Overexposed Actors

I’m sorry, but there are some actors who have become so overexposed that I can’t stand to see them anymore.

Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Will Smith (more on him later), Dwane Johnson.. can all go take a collective leap off a cliff. No wait.. there’d probably be a pirate ship or space cruiser waiting to rescue them at the bottom, just before impact, making a dramatic save. Too many movies in a short period of time. This happened back in the 50’s too, do you know why? there weren’t alot of actors back then.

And please, someone tell Tim Burton that there is more to life than masturbating to Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp. For gods sake, she’s your wife. Which is probably why she’s been in most of your movies. No, that’s not fair.. she’s actually a good actress. But, give someone else a chance will ya?

Found Footage / Based on true events

This story was “Base on” true events.. do you know what that means? That doesn’t mean that this shit actually happened. It means, for example.. “This kid disappears, in this town.. no one knows how or why, so we’re making shit up to sell it, no matter how unbelievable it is”.. oh and Aliens! or Witches!  Oh look! “Found Footage”!

I’m so tired of Found Footage movies. No one believes you found this anywhere other than the trash can in the cutting room floor.

Back when the Blair Witch Project came out, this genre was in its infancy. And, also one of the movies that did it well. You could really believe.. OMG, this could be happening. Why? because there was no script. The actors were given the simplest of direction at the beginning of the day. and the Director fucked with them all night long. The actors really didn’t know what was going to happen, in great detail.

Now, unfortunately, producers have decided that this is a great way to make horror.. no writers and only a few cameras. Hey, do you know what makes special effects affordable? Night vision and B&W footage.

3D…

This was a fad in the 60’s. Re-emerged in the 80’s a little bit.. and now it’s everywhere. Now, if it’s done well.. like it was in Avatar. Good deal. it’s a nice gimmick. But, more times than not, it just doesnt work. The old “Stick thrust at the camera” trick is old, tired, and insulting. Yeah, we get it.. Threeee Deeeee… OooOoOooooo.

I’ve seen a few movies this year that, honestly.. I couldn’t tell they were in 3D – it was very subtle. Too subtle, why did I pay the extra money for this? Then, there were a few where they took it to the extremes and the images were so out of the scope of depth, they actually distorted and why the hell would you do that? if you want a scene in 3D – why make it so you can’t actually focus?

I’ve actually made the decision to not see a 3D movie in the theater again. It’s not worth the extra money. Oh, and by the way.. do you know why the Movies cost so much now? 3-fucking-D.. it takes a lot of cash to do it, and we’re paying for it whether we see the 3D version or not, in the increase in ticket prices across the board.

Will Smith and his untalented kid.

Now, this isn’t just about Will Smith. It’s about nepotism. This is.. getting a job simply because your dad is someone of persuasion.. aaaaand the producer of your film. I may take Jaden seriously if he went to an audition anonymously and got the role without anyone knowing who is dad is.